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Continue reading →: Witch Trials & Food Scarcity: When Kitchens Became Crime ScenesDearest Readers, Imagine a world where a loaf of bread that refused to rise or a bucket of milk that soured overnight was not simply a kitchen failure but a summons to the gallows. Between the 14th and 17th centuries, when famine was frequent and superstition plentiful, the hearth became…
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Continue reading →: The Vampire’s Table: Garlic, Blood & FearWhere superstition met the supper table. The Fragrance of Fear Dearest Readers, Let us journey to a Europe steeped in dread, where shadows stretched long across crumbling villages and whispers of monsters haunted the night. In the 17th and 18th centuries, tales of the vampire slithered through the Balkans and…
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Continue reading →: The Methanol Wine Massacre: Italy’s Vintage of DeathWhen greed soured the grape and turned wine into poison. Dear Readers, A Toast Gone Rotten Dearest readers, imagine: you lift a glass of Italian red, expecting the velvet kiss of Barbera upon your lips. Instead, the bouquet is betrayal, the aftertaste is agony, and the price of thrift is…
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Continue reading →: The Arrogance of Aprons: A Most Unpalatable EvolutionFrom humble hearth to social media throne, how chefs crowned themselves kings of cuisine. My dearest readers, arrogance does not sprout overnight like parsley in a windowsill. No, it is cultivated over centuries, fertilized by power, inflated by reputation, and plated with theatrical flair. Today’s chefs, sneering at diners online…
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Continue reading →: Aprons, Ambition, & the Culinary Crown: An Examination of the Fairer Sex in the KitchenDearest Readers, Why is it, one wonders, that the great public kitchens of history have so often rung with the voices of men, while the talents of the fairer sex were confined to the hearth, the market stall, or the genteel tea table? This is no idle curiosity, for the…
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Continue reading →: Bananas, Blood, and Empire: Chiquita’s Rotten LegacyMy dearest readers, If you believed the humble banana to be an innocent fruit, as harmless as a sun-kissed morning in the tropics, allow me to shatter that illusion. Behind its jaunty yellow peel lurks a saga of empire, blood, and betrayal, one so grotesque it makes the scandals of…
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Continue reading →: The Parmesan Conspiracy: Wheels of Fortune and the Cult of the CurdA True Food Crime from the Desk of Lady Simmertown Dear Readers, Let us cast our eyes not upon the rolling hills of Tuscany nor the lavender fields of Provence today, but toward the pungent, perilous heart of Italy’s dairy dominion: Emilia-Romagna. For nestled amongst its golden pastures and oak-braced…
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Continue reading →: FRANKENFISH: A Most Unholy FilletA genetically engineered scandal, twenty years in the making, and far more sinister than your local fishmonger dares to admit. As Recounted By Lady Simmertown Dearest Gentle Reader, Permit me a moment of candor, for what I am about to reveal may cause you to put down your fork and…
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Continue reading →: The Kobe CannibalA Most Disturbing Degustation: How One Man Dined on Death and Called It Fame As told by Lady Simmertown ⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ Content warning: This post contains factual descriptions of sexual violence, necrophilia, dismemberment, and cannibalism. Reader discretion is strongly advised. If you are sensitive to these topics or prefer to…
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Continue reading →: BUTTERGATE: A Most Uncivilized SpreadThe long war for the breakfast table, from margarine raids to pandemic palm oil. Dearest readers, In the grand theatre of culinary scandal, one expects drama from oysters, decadence from truffles, and perhaps the odd flirtation with chocolate. But butter? Sweet, innocent, golden butter? I regret to inform you, the…
About Lady Simmertown:
Welcome Dear Reader,
Who is Lady Simmertown? A question whispered over buttered crumpets and scribbled in the margins of recipe books across the land.
Some say she was born amidst lace napkins and lemon curd. Others claim she emerged fully formed from a scandalous soufflé that collapsed at a Duke’s dinner party. What is known: she is a writer of biting wit, a keeper of culinary secrets, and an unapologetic admirer of chaos served with cream.
Lady Simmertown does not merely blog, she chronicles. With a quill sharpened by satire and a pantry full of powdered irony, she serves up tales of forgotten recipes, edible absurdities, and food history most improper. Expect tea. Expect trouble. Expect tart commentary and possibly actual tarts.
She resides somewhere between a Regency ball and your favorite bakery, scribbling letters and uncovering the delicious underbelly of society, one post at a time.
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Butter, Ink & Indiscretion 